better off alone

better off where no-one can ever find me
the world and all its friends can burn for all i care
and i will dance in the ashes of what is left
and i will breathe like it is my first breath
clean of anger, clean of guilt
baptised afresh in pain release
the memory dulls with time
but i cannot forget
and i will not forget

stream

i have to write this down because it's fucking with my head
it's turning and twisting and churning and blistering
like a doll in a housefire
most of the time i'm ok
but right now everything seems so bleak
when will the gloom lift?
i haven't slept properly in weeks, months
i'm so desperate for rest
i can't find peace from the constant nagging
thoughts tripping triggers
dreams dissecting daylight
everyday the same
everyday the same
everyday the same
everyday the same
everyday the same
everyday the same
everyday the same
up before the sun
out before the rest
walk the roads and cycle tracks
6.66 don't look back
rain, sun or clouds
no cheating allowed
gotta get the mileage clocked
gotta beat the clock
insanity spreads like oil
infecting everyone around me
i've tried to hold and grip
to make things stick
but oil is a slippery slick
suffocating
spiralling
down
but this is no ride
she's gone and i thought
that she loved
and she does
so she says
but not enough to stay
what have i done
did i let it happen too easily?
am i watching her go?
have i argued enough?
every night the same
every night the same
every night the same
every night the same
every night the same
every night the same
home with the moon
home after the rest
eat some tea, not too much
not too much
gotta keep losing
look good on a sleeve, a poster, magazine
wanker
is this you?
is this me?
is this what i imagined
when i was a boy?
an astronaut
a train driver
a fireman
no
a fuck up
a fuck up
a silly dream
cooked up in factories designed to keep me alone
alone
alone
singers need love too
please don't leave me
stop looking at pictures now
they bring no relief
the new ones are worse
a new life she now leads
you can hear in her voice
she knows you no more
the boy whom she loved
forgotten and flawed
for his is ambition of selfish self gain
not love for the world
and its people,
insane
i must be insane
it's 1.14 and i can't fucking sleep
so i'll stream and i'll tear down my selfish cold cheek
bring me peace now brain
peace is my plea
one night of rest
one day with no tears
this tunnel i've dug leads me down to despair
the pinprick of light seems to dull
is it there?
make the change
make the change
you have the fucking choice
you have the fucking power
make the change
make the change
sleep now
sleep now
sleep ...